windows source code

Post by **jimmyD** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 11:36 pm

Ε ναι λοιπον μετά από προσπάθεια χρόνων έκανα τις χακιές μου και έχω το βασικότερο κομμάτι του κωδικα των windows

#include <nonsense.h>
#include <lies.h>
#include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include <process.h> /* For the court of law */
#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define soon next_year
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version

void main()

{
if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
lies.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);

if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bits architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
everyone");
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{
bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems)
{
say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
bastard");
}
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are allangry at
us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}

void bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money);
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, Big_Bill_Book);
/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}

Post by **HdkiLLeR** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 12:22 am

l0l

Αυτό ήταν το καλύτερο :

Code: Select all

void bugfix(void)
{
 charge (a_lot_of_money);
 if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
 say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
 if (still_complaints)
 {
  ignore(customer);
  register(customer, Big_Bill_Book);
  /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
 }
}

Post by **Einherjar** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 1:23 am

ξέχασες να το βάλεις όλο μέσα σε ένα while(true)

aNTWNHs · Post by **aNTWNHs** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 7:10 am

case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bits architecture");

Βρήκα Bug (Τελικά όντως πρέπει να είναι ο κώδικας των Windows) :P
O 8086 αν 8υμάμαι καλά είναι 16bit :D

TaRaNTuLa · Post by **TaRaNTuLa** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 9:54 am

Code: Select all

register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book); 
when(time_is_ripe) 
{ 
arrest(journalist); 
brainwash(journalist); 
when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree) 
{ 
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article"); 
release (journalist);

Αυτό το "Big_Bill_Book" είναι σαν τη μαύρη λίστα της Άντζελας;;;;

Η απόλυτη έκφραση της σημασίας του ελεύθερου τύπου....
Πάντως μην πείτε!!!Έχει ολόκληρο module για την αντιμετώπιση των δημοσιογράφων...Μελετημένο το θέμα...

Post by **Ethel** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 10:43 am

Code: Select all

 /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are allangry at us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}

Νομίζω ότι όλη η κοροϊδία περικλείεται σ'αυτό!
Πολύ καλό jimmyD!!

Post by **HdkiLLeR** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 2:16 pm

aNTWNHs wrote:
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bits architecture");
Βρήκα Bug (Τελικά όντως πρέπει να είναι ο κώδικας των Windows) :P
O 8086 αν 8υμάμαι καλά είναι 16bit :D

Πόπο έχεις παρατιρητικότητα!! Όντως 8086-8088-80286 ήταν στα 16bit.